The "What if" Factor

What if?

Its the big question in life. Trying to guess if the things you didn’t do are regrets or good choices. To a birth mom its a huge question.

What if I had kept my baby? 

Its a big thing to contemplate. I used to think about it all the time in the begging of the adoption and often during pregnancy. So many things to consider. So many things would change and be completely different. 

What If I had Kept Jude?

• What would my life be like?
• Would I be happy? Would Jude be happy?
• What kind of mom would I have been?
• How would Jude turn out with Victor and I as parents?
• What would Victor’s role be in our lives?
• Where would we have lived?
• What would my parents think?
• What would Victors parents think?
• Would I have been able to go to school?
• and the list goes on and on…..

I don’t think about this question as much anymore. It crosses my mind every once in a while, usually caused by a parenting tip or opinion I read somewhere. I can’t change the past, so why think about a life that doesn’t exist?

I can’t help but wonder though and I’m sure other Birth Moms do as well sometimes, What if?