Wednesday, July 25, 2012

7/21/2012 Visit with Jude

 I finally got lazy enough and oddly motivated enough to write this. (Yeah, I'm an oxymoron, just deal with it.)

So this visit was by far the most drama filled. Originally, this visit was just supposed to be the kind of visit Victor and I wanted, which means just the two of us enjoying Jude, Katie, and Greg's company. I wanted a picture of all five of us and maybe a girls picture and a boys picture so I could hang them up at my new place. It was going to be simple and nice and as quiet as a 2 year old toddler could be.

Well that didn't happen.

We were all supposed to meet on july 21st. But then Greg had to attend a meeting that got changed to that day, and wanted to meet either later the 21st or 22nd. We decided the 21st because Victor and his family were leaving to go to San Diego the 22nd. Then Victor's parents changed their plans and decided to leave the 21st as well.
You see to pull this visit off with just the two of us, we kept Jude's visit a secret. Its not that we don't want other people to see him and his family, we just want them to our selves some times. However, we have a hard time saying no to our parents. They went through a rough time too when Victor and I gave him up, so saying no is almost like seeing them let go again. Hence, why we kept it a secret. How ever, to figure out what time Victor would be leaving for his trip, we knew we would need to tell his parents about the visit. No surprise, Victor's family wanted to see Jude.
Long story short, they changed their departure date to the 22nd and K,G, and J would come in later in the afternoon and have dinner with Victors bigger-than-normal family. How much bigger you ask? Well, there were
  • Victor's Parent (2)
  • Victor's Brothers (2)
  • Victor's grandparents from Germany (2)
  • Victor's grandma (1)
  • Victor's two young cousins from Germany (2)
and of course
  • Victor (1)
  • Jude, Katie, and Greg (3)
  • Me (1)
If you kept count thats 14 people coming to this dinner.

The plan was for Jude and his folks to stop  by my house for a bit and see my parents and my sister, Sarah, who hasn't seen him since he was born. I told her two weeks in advance when he was coming and trying to arrange it special just so she could see him. However, she decided her friends and the beach was more important, but that is a whole other selfish story. Greg also was informed at the last minute that his meeting would go longer than he thought and could not make it to our visit. Katie came with he cousin, Lily instead, which was totally great with me because I love meeting Katie and Greg's families.

I picked Victor up and brought him back to my house. Katie, Lily, and Jude had just arrived and were walking up my drive way when we pulled in. Jude looked just as blonde and pale as ever. Katie looked as amazing as ever, and Lily could have been her sister if I hadn't known any better. I gave Jude a big kiss on his fat whittle cheeks and hugged and shook hands with Katie and Lily. We went into the house and my mom and stepdad had there time with them. I still needed to do my hair, so I went into my room and worked on that.

Jude to me didn't look much different to me, maybe a little taller and his hair was cut, but nothing more. Then in my room I heard a little voice. Not like a squeak or anything, but a small child's voice. I went back into the living room where everyone was at and there was Jude, talking away. "Door" "Up" Doggy" "Agua" "Momma" Dadda" "Outside" "Inside" "Hot" "MMMM Good" "Let see (for let me see)" and "Lets go!" My bio son talks! Not only that but understands even more english and spanish words! Genius!

The best part though....


my bio son high fives AND...

fist bumps!

Yeah, he's awesome.

After my parents house, Victor, Katie, Lily, Jude and I stopped by Safeway to grab some diapers and wipes, then we went to Victor's parents house. Everyone greeted us at the door and from there is was a whirl wind of Russian and German accents and food.

Victor was the same as he is at all the visits. He kept his distance and didn't say much. Jude was so interested in him (maybe because Victor had worn a Tie-dye shirt that day), but he kept his distance, almost like he knew he should. Within the first 10 minutes of being with his family, he had to leave. Even if it is his own family, social situations of more than 5 people become stressful for him. So despite what he wanted to do, he needed to leave. He sent me a heart breaking text later saying "I miss you. I miss Jude. I wish I could have been a better father." I called him immediately and told him that he did the right thing by giving him up, and even though we didn't get the visit we wanted, his family got what they needed and I'm sure they were truly grateful for that.

And they were. Everyone had a camera out and took as many pictures as possible. Katie and Jude played on the trampoline in the back yard with Victor's youngest brother and his cousins. They were very good with him and Jude loved being able to fall and not get hurt. Lily and I chatted up Victor's family, took pictures, and guarded the edges of the trampoline. Jude hugged or fist bumped everyone there, even Victor's dog Sammy. He hugged Victor's Mom like 30 times and jumped and climbed all over anyone who would let him. Around 7pm he started to get cranky, but luckily Victor's parents have Netflix on demand and put on the only show he will watch, Yo Gabba Gabba.

(Side note: seriously though, WTF is up with that show??? Are the writes and designers on acid the whole time and just put what they see?! Idk, but if Jude loves it then I do too.)

He watched 4 episodes while we ate dinner and dessert and talked. Then he became cuddly and Katie and I traded sitting with him and snuggling with him. We all left by 9pm, waaayyy past Jude's bedtime, but he would sleep in the car. Katie and Lily dropped me off back at my house and we made unofficial plans for our next time to be the weekend before his birthday.

All in all, it was a great, but stressful visit. I guess the next thing that most birth parents and adoptive parents wonder is "Did you get sad?"

Well, that post of for next time.  

1 comment:

  1. Hugs girl- I am sorry you had to share your special time with Jude with so many... maybe next time you can get some one on one?