Sunday, February 12, 2012
There is a Hole in my Body
When I gave Jude up and left the hospital, I was devistated. I literally felt a hole in my heart. A piece of me was missing from my heart and sometimes it felt like I had a hole in my chest. There was no pain. Just a hole in my chest. I could feel the skin dip down into my chest and I couldn’t feel that area where the hole was.
That feeling went away though. The hole never did go away though, nor do I think it will. The feeling went away though and I could function.
That feeling came back. It was random. I wasn’t sad, I just felt like I was missing something. That something wasn’t right in my life and I missed Jude. The hole in my chest came back and it stayed there for a night.
I wasn’t sad. I didn’t cry. I didn’t pine for a fantasy. I just missed my birth son and wanted to hold him.
The hole was gone the next morning. The hole is gone now.
I wonder how long it will stay gone?