Wednesday, March 2, 2011

The Constant Reminders

I swear I think the world tries to find ways to rub in my face that I don't have a baby. When I was pregnant I didn't notice anyone else being pregnant, not even when I would go to my OGBYN. Maybe I was busy with the adoption and the constant changing of my life to notice any one else's, either way I didn't notice then. After I had Jude though, friggin' babies everywhere!

I know its a good thing (for the most part) that the population is growing and I'm all for babies. Love them! Think there adorable and cute! I hate though, that I'm constantly reminded that I had one and gave one up. Not to say that I regret my decision, God no, he's so much better off and very happy where he is. I feel like other people rub there happiness in there face and their smiles say "Look at what your missing out on. This is so much fun and its so easy". Now, I'm a smart person. I know its not easy, if it was easy everyone would keep there kids. Sometimes though, when I look at the new babies and the young babies in a store or hear about how Jude is growing, I wonder what I'm missing. And when I try to shake the idea and try to get away from places with babies, more babies appear!

There everywhere!! The mall, grocery stores, theaters, even school! Babies, Babies, Babies! (Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!) There is never just one, if it was one person in the store with a baby I wouldn't care. I always happen to go on the days where everyone and their aunt is either pregnant or has a baby with them. I just get tired of seeing them. The more babies I see the more I think about Jude, the more I think about Jude the more I miss Jude, the more I miss Jude the sadder I become. This is not a cycle I enjoy being in.

The worse is the media. I'm seeing babies in all my shows I watch; Hellcats and One Tree Hill were on tonight. I just got into Hellcats and I used to watch One Tree Hill back when Chad Michael Murray was the main character; both of which have multiple baby issues (btw nobody tell me what happened in Hellcats, I didn't finish watching it. It got to dangerously filled with drama for my taste). Then there are shows that are just obviously filled with babies but are so popular you can't not watch them. My two favorite addictions: 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom 2. New 16 and Pregnant hasn't started yet, but I watch Teen Mom 2 religiously. I have different opinions of each of the girls and some of them are doing a great job and their doing what they should be doing, but a lot of them make me think two things. 1). "I could have done a way better job then her." and 2). "What made them more deserving to have and keep their kid than me?".

I hope those girls realize how lucky they really are, because some of us don't have the support or money to keep our babies. We're reminded of it everyday.

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