Sunday, March 20, 2011

Mine, "Mine", MINE

I've been talking about Jude and the adoption a lot this past week. I had a project on adoption due this week and talked about my experience in class, I ended up telling some people in a different class that I was pregnant the previous quarter, and I saw an old friend that had knew I was pregnant last year. When I talk about Jude, show pictures of him, and explain who he is I always have to use the same two words that bother me the most; My and Mine.

I love bragging about Jude and how cute, smart, and over all how awesome he is. I love showing pictures of him and hearing how adorable he is. And I love talking about adoption, educating others about the process, and sharing my experience with others. However, I absolutely HATE having to say "This is my son Jude.", "I have/had a baby.", "He's mine.", or anything along those lines.

My and Mine; They used to be two extremely objective words. If something was yours, then its belonged to you. You might share it with some one else, but over all its yours. It's such an easy concept, its one of the first few concepts babies/toddlers learn. There's a whole phase that toddlers go through where they do nothing but say everything is theirs. I'm pretty sure its called the "Mine Phase".  Things are easy then, black and white. Yours and not yours.

I'm going to tell you all something about me that most people don't know about me. I have a really bad habit of not sharing things that I consider mine. I like to keep what is mine, MINE. I don't have a sharing problem. I'm very good at sharing things, just not the things I consider mine. The good news is there are a few things I consider mine. I will absolutely not (and never will) share. 1). My iPod 2). My Boyfriend (if I ever get another one) and 3). My personal space.

If any of you didn't notice, Jude doesn't make that list. He can't and never did. I love him more than anything else in the world, but he's not mine. And if he ever was, he isn't now. Heres the catch though, he is technically mine (at least thats what the birth certificate says). I acknowledge it, but I honestly hate saying it.

If I tell the whole story I don't feel as bad saying that he is mine. If a friend just sees a picture and is wondering who that is though, thats when it becomes difficult. Like I said, I love bragging about Jude, but guilt sweeps over me when I have to say he's mine. I always feel like I'm lying or that Katie and Greg can sense that I'm saying it and they'll resent me. They're not those kind of people and I could never see them becoming those people, but I'm a paranoid person and can't help thinking it.

This week I've had to tell numerous people about "my" son and the adoption. Half of it is my fault because of the project. The other half just happened to happen this week. Luckily for me, by Thursday it ended. As I drove home from school Thursday afternoon I came to realize that My and Mine were not objective, they were subjective.

Mine is in the eye of the beholder. For instance, take the Palestinian's and Israeli's. Israeli's claims that Israel is their homeland and rightfully belongs to them, but so do the Palestinians. It's all subjective, just depends on how you look at it. Some people look at Jude and think of him as mine. Other's look at Jude and see him as Katie and Greg's. The law says that he is Katie and Greg's. His medical records will say that he's mine. I think that what really is important is what I think. Katie and Greg were always his parents, he has always belonged to them. He will always be "my" son, but he was never mine.


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