Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Can't We All Just Get Along?
One would think that in adoption precess there are only a few people involved. How wrong they are. Ideally, it would just be you, the babies father (possibly), and the adoptive parents. Nope. Far from it. Every decision I made effected the baby, Victor, Katie and Greg, My parents, Victor’s parents, Katie’s and Greg’s Parents, the rest of my family, the rest of Victor’s family, the rest of Katie’s and Greg’s family, my friends, Victor’s friends, Katie’s and Greg’s friends, the doctor, the lawyer, and the list goes on and on.
The truth is, no matter how much you would like to think its no one’s business, everyone thinks it is there business. Nothing can be done about it, its human nature to be in everyones lives. It’s why Tumblr, Myspace, and Facebook do so well.
The real problem is with that many people involved, there are going to be different opinions and points of views shared. Which can result in arguments and angry exchanges. Trust me, its damn near impossible to keep everyone happy.
Victor and I had to deal with a lot of peoples bull during the pregnancy. My dad kicked me out of “his” family while I was pregnant. My mom and sister couldn’t possibly understand how I could kept the baby through pregnancy. Victor’s parents wanted us to keep the baby and his mother practically begged me to do so. I agruement with one of my friends over my idea of the kind of parents I should look into for Jude; she valued money over love and I was the opposite. This continued on and on until the day Jude was born.
Oh, it doesn’t after the adoption ends either. There’s always something on one side or the other. My mom worries about me all the time because I’m sad about something having to do with the adoption. Sadly because of this, she has a bit of a negative out look on the adoption. My dad has always had a negative out look on the adoption. He refers to Jude as “Fresno”, a town near where Katie, Greg, and Jude live. He’ll say, “So…..How’s Fresno?” Yeah, I know. I’ve even gotten into a tiff or two with Katie via email because of things we say or want.
The Solution: Do what you feel is right. Its the same thing that we have been doing for our selves and our babies from day one. We know what is the right thing to do for ourselves has been since day one, why should it change now. There will always be people in your life thinking they know better than you, and on occation they might. But in general, you are in control of your life and happiness. You can’t make everyone happy, but you can inform them that your incontrol of this situtation, not them.
My mom only knows one side of the story, and I try to remind her of that fact. My dad is just a douche and one day I’ll tell him that. And while Katie and I have our differences, we want the same end goal; to do the best thing for Jude.
Thats all I have ever wanted for Jude. I’m pretty sure thats what any mother wants for her children. I know that all of his birth family wants that for Jude as well, and when he is ready they are all waiting for him with big smiles and open arms.