Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Toys, Gifts, and Presents

I love getting Jude presents. I love going through the toy isle of any store and wondering what toys Jude would be old enough for or would like. I put a lot of thought into his birthday and christmas presents. When ever I go on a trip, I wonder about what I should souvenir I should get him. Most of the time I don’t buy him anything. It’s mostly curiosity and me trying to think “what would he wear?” or “what would he play with?”
Many people this is a problem. My mom, my sister, Victor, and even Katie at one point had a problem. Katie thought by me giving him gifts it was like I was trying to “mother” him. I stopped getting him as many things after that. Everyone else was worried about how much (money, time, and effort) I was putting into his gifts.
I admit, I have a problem. I spend ALOT of money, time, and effort on Jude’s gifts. I can’t help it though.
1). I love shopping. I would go to the mall and buy every since thing and give it all to Goodwill. What Can I say? I believe in retail therapy and use it to full extent.
2). I wove wittle baby clothes and toys! <3 There so cute!
3). This is the big one, and there is not better way to say it. I’m trying to buy Jude’s future affection.
Its horrible and I know this, but its really one of the few roads I have to show Jude that I love him. From all the adoptions stories I’ve heard, adoptees sometimes grow up feeling abandoned and/or unwanted. I definitely don’t want Jude to feel that way and I will do anything to make sure he never does. Giving him expensive things, meaningful things, hand made things, cute things, and thoughtful things will hopefully show him that I care and that I love him.
Giving Jude those gift and the future gifts to come make me feel better. Like I’m doing something right by him (and I know that the whole giving him up in the first place is the right thing for him, but that was pre-adoption. I’m trying to do right by him in the post adoption). I hope this and the other ways I’m trying is the right thing to for him.
I have decided to get the Paramore album cover butterfly as my tattoo. I don’t know when or where (on my body) I’m getting it, but I am excited about it. I also have decided to do something else with the foot prints. I’m SUPER excited about this :)

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