Thursday, February 17, 2011


Visits are hard for some people. Sometimes they might miss the baby so much that its hard to let go all over again. Other times they have expectations of how the session will go, and they will either be let down or pleasantly surprised. Visits are hard for the adoptive parents as well. I can only imagine how they feel about their baby's biological parents coming into their lives every once in a while and disrupting their normal lives.

I have my second visit with Jude, Katie, and Greg in a few days. I haven't seen them since November, and quiet frankly, I'm scared. I'm so scared things are going to go badly, their going to cancel, or Jude doesn't like me. When babies get around 4-6 months old, they start becoming very mommy and daddy attached and don't like any one else holding them. I understand that he doesn't understand and that its not personal, but I don't really know how well I would take it.

I'm scared that we'll all get into a fight or something. Katie and I may be alike in some ways and like each other, but like any average relationship between two people, we do get into fights every once in a while. Now, I'm the kind of person that hates arguments and fights via technology, because you can't really fix things over a text or email. I mean you can say everything is alright, but there's always a physical weirdness between you and the other person when you see each other again. So for me its always better to fight and make-up face to face. Katie and I really only communicate via email or text, because we live so far away from each other. So when we do get into an argument, its hard to know if things are really OK in the end. All you can really do is trust that its OK.

Victor and I are driving to San Diego this Friday and were going to spend the weekend with Katie, Greg, and Jude. This sunday it is also my 20th birthday and my greatest gift ever would be able to see Jude smile and laugh. I miss him so much, but I'm so scared to go. I hear all visitations are like that in the beginning, but over time things become easier and more comfortable. I certainly hope what they say is true; I really do.

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