Wednesday, February 16, 2011


I'm used to getting looks from people.

Telling people that you had a baby is one look. Its a half surprise, half happy. Its the look that says "Wow your so young to have a baby, but good for you!". Then you tell them that you gave your baby up for adoption. Its like telling them your grandmother died, there face falls and they usually say "Oh". Its the face that says "Oh, poor thing couldn't take care of her baby. Its probably for the best, she's so young they wouldn't have had a good life."

I got a bunch of looks when I was pregnant too. Looks that would say "Oh look, there's another teenage girl pregnant." I was just another stereotype to them, nothing more. I was used to it. I honestly didn't really care, I had bigger fish in my life to fry. Not only that but I didn't have to associate with people who didn't like me or my decisions. I told myself in the beginning of this process that I wouldn't take anyone's shit, because it was my life and my decision; not theirs.

However, I never really thought about how other people would get seen because of me. I was never really aware of how it might make my mom, sister, and other family members look. I never thought what Victor would think of himself or what others would think of him because I was pregnant. Sometimes I knew what they were going threw; Others I just now found out about. I couldn't and still can't imagine what they went threw or might still be going threw. I was too worried with my own problems to care about theirs.

To them I say, I'm sorry. I was so consumed with what I was and still am going threw, I didn't want to see anyone else's problems and issues. Please know, for those of you that are still hurting,  I want to fix that and I'm going to try to make that happen. For those of you whose pain has passed, again I say, I'm sorry.

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